Final Fantasy: A night of Games and Glory
by Rekoz-The-Nightmare
Summary: This combines Final Fantasy 7, D&D and at the end a game of Ergiehz. This is really messed up fun with old outdated books as references (YAY!)
1. D&D

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Final fantasy 7 or Dungeons and Dragons.

A/N: I did base some material off of newgrounds, but I didn't plagerize anything (Nothing is word for word). This was something I wanted to do for a long time so have fun. IMPORTANT: I only have the oldest versions of the books. Sorry for any inaccuracy because of this.

**Final Fantasy: A Night of Games and Glory**

_Ding Dong!_ A ring came at Cloud's door. The table was all set up with the dice, maps, and screens laying all about. He was expecting guests, mostly close friends to have a good session of D&D. It was a long time. Before hand, Cloud called Tifa, Aeris, Vincent, Yuffie and the Dungeon Master Sephiroth. They all agreed to come at 6:00 p.m.

Cloud went to the front door, and behind it stood Tifa, waiting for Cloud with a smile. She held in her hand a sheet of paper with lots of information on it.

"Ok, got my sheet ready," she said to him.

Cloud spoke out, "Well don't tell me, tell it to Sephiroth. Here he comes now!" He was walking down the street in the same old get up: black. Cloud never understood why he didn't ever change his outfit. He went up to the porch and saw Cloud and put on his cool face.

"Ok, I'm here. I'm not gonna let you get through this so easy," he said with a grin.

"Oh come on! You sucked last time! I hope you aren't winging it again S," Cloud said. Sephiroth's cool look faded.

15 minutes later, a black van pulled up into Cloud's driveway, after totaling the fence into a pile of toothpicks. Out popped Vincent who covered his face and had his "I'm not guilty look" on, even though Cloud, Tifa and Sephiroth watched him smash into the fence. Cloud's face went red, and Tifa started to laugh. Next to come out was Yuffie, who made a B-line right for the bathroom. Finally, Aeris came out smiling, but started to glare at Tifa as soon as she saw her.

"Cloud, I hope this one's good," Aeris told Cloud, "Sephiorth screwed up the last one!"

"HEY! I can't help it that you gave me like 2 days to get ready!" Sephiroth protested.

"Yeah that's no excuse thought. Wait, wasn't that the 2 day ancient sword show?" Cloud inquired.

"Umm....uh.....I ain't saying nothing about nothing! Let's just get it over with!"

The six went over to the large table with some pop and chips beside them. Yuffie finally came out of the bathroom whistling.

"Ok, Drop it Yuffie. What did you take?" asked Cloud.

"Damn! I'm too predictable!" she yelled, and dropped the expensive cologne she hid in her shirt.

"Cloud, you better wash that off," glared Tifa.

"Yeah, ok."

Sephiroth got ready, making sure he understood what he wrote and asked the players, "Ok, who's who and what do you have?"  
"I'm the fighter and the leader of course," Cloud said.

"HEY! I wanna be the leader sometimes too!" Yuffie yelled.

"Who wants a thief as the leader?" Cloud asked the group, and no hands went up.

"DAMMIT!"

"Ok, like I was saying, I have a Two-handed sword specialty and a 2 two-handed sword. Also I have and AC of 0 for 17 DEX and plate mail."

"Ok, Tifa, how about you?" Sephiroth asked Tifa while chewing on his pencil.

"I'm the magic user! I have 19 intelligence...."

"WHAT! Go to hell and die Tifa, you can't have 19 INT!" screamed Aeris at Tifa and pointed at her.

"You can if you're a grey elf! Also, I can cast 4 1st level, 2 2nd level and 1 3rd level spells."

"But that makes you at least level 5!" Aeris protested again.

"Are you new are just plain stupid? We are all level 5, thanks to old "kill a dragon in one hit" over here," said Vincent.

"HEY! I was sad that day! I just let whatever go," complained Sephiroth.

"Yeah, sure," said Vincent with a grin, which pissed off Sephiroth into breaking his pencil.

"I own a staff and no armor," finished Tifa.

"Right," said Sephiroth as he scribbled something down, "now Yuffie!"

"A thief as always! I have 2 short swords, bracers of defense and 10000 Platinum pieces!" said Yuffie with happiness.

"Uh, no you don't remember, we gave all that money to charity, not to you," said Areis.

"Oh, yeah," she said with a sigh. She whispered to herself, "Must kill Aeris and steal her materia."

"Yup, ok. Vincent?" asked Sephiroth with an eyebrow raised.

"The assassin over here," he said, "I have a dagger of venom and a cloak of displacement."

"I'm not allowing you to have those items," Sephiroth declared.

"WHY? Aeris has a mace of disruption!"

"NO I don't! I have a mace of crushing!"

"EVEN WORSE!" Vincent said.

"Ok, none of those items. Vincent, you have crossbow of distance and Aeris, no crushing weapons, have a rod of curing."

"Sure," they both said.

"Finally, hehe, Aeris," Sephiroth said while scribbling.

"What's that?" she asked him.

"Uh, just some stuff."

"Really? Yoink!" said Yuffie as she stole his book and put it on the table.

"WHAT! SEPHIROTH! I'm GONNA KILL YOU!" Cloud screamed as he raised a fist at Sephiroth. The book had a sketch of Cloud dead and Aeris and TIfa kissing Sephiroth.

"Ready Aeris?" asked Tifa.

"Yup! Double slap!" she responded and they both slapped Sephiroth. His checks were red as a pepper.

"Well, I am the cleric and I have the useless rod of healing and chain mail. I'm able to cast 6 1st level spells, 4 2nd level, 2 3rd level."

"HOW! That's impossible!" Tifa screamed at Aeris.

"Umm.... It's called 18 wisdom wizard of all elf gayness."

"You're gonna regret that!"

"Let's just get started. Cloud, you enter an old inn, which is poorly illuminated. You can see several tables, one which already has some promising party potential," said Sephiroth in great detail.

"Then I move over to the table. "Hello," I say, "Are you here to gain fame and glory?"" said Cloud, talking to Tifa and Aeris's characters.

"Well, actually," Tifa began, "I'm here to become the greatest sorceress ever!"

"And I'm here to stop a great evil," I said. I then take a sip of wine from my glass," said Aeris.

"When do I come in?" Yuffie asked.

"You come in whenever you want to," replied Sephiroth.

"Ok, I go up to The 3 people and steal their stuff," she announced.

"Out of character," spoke Vincent, "I see several flaws with your plan. A) It's too vague, plan it out a bit more. B) You're gonna steal from your new party members and C) It's too cliché for you."

"But I'm a thief!"

"We'll, try not to be so obvious, but that's asking a lot of you Yuffie." Yuffie just crossed her arms and pouted.

"Fine, I go up and start to make casual talk to them instead."

"Good, another person comes up to you, asking about a person who is wanted in the town for robbing a bank of 500 p.p.," said Vincent.

"After some time, and an exchange of stories, you all decide to go to the mayor's home and talk to him," said Sephiroth.

"HEY! You're puppeteering us again! Leave us alone! Ok let's go to the mayor's," argued Tifa.

Sephiroth sighed, "The mayor says that there is something terrorizing the town and you must stop it. The reward is 5000 g.p. which you will split."

""I want it 25000 g.p.," my character argues, "I'm not the ordinary man,"" said Vincent.

"Vincent, just let it go. We know you're greedy, but this is ridiculous, even for me," said Yuffie.

"Ah shut up you damn honor-less thief. Fine then, I think everyone would like their one heart's desires, money, or their dream, of up to 15000 g.p. value."

"Fine," agrees Sephiroth.

_"Oh yeah!"_ thought Vincent, _"I'm gonna totally use Sephiroth for my own good!"_

"Ok, you now want to go back to the inn," ordered Sephiroth

"Uh, you're doing it again," said a disgusted Cloud.

"So, I'm aloud to."

"NO YOU'RE NOT! HEY VINCENT, SHOOT ME WITH YOUR CROSSBOW, SEPH OVER HERE WILL JUST SAVE ME SOMEHOW!"

"OH, great, here we go again!" exclaimed Aeris and bashed her head off the table, then ate some chips. After much arguing and after the really, really long intro from Sephiroth, they got adventuring. They had to go destroy a big something-or-other to get a lot of fame.

"OK, Cloud, your party is in an open field. What are you doing? It is dawn," Sehpiroth asked him.

"Were marching to the tomb, what else?" replied Cloud.

"Well good, because you need to roll for surprise."  
"Way to go Cloud, I, being smart, already have my long sword out."

"Ok, you rolled a 5, but sorry, I rolled a 6."

"Crap!" Tifa cursed.

"There are 20 orcs around you."

"20! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! Fine, I take out my big two-handed sword and prepare for battle."

"Well, sorry, but they all get to attack now."

After 20 rolls, Cloud and his party are badly wounded.

"I swing at the 7 orcs around me. HA a 20 to hit! Another HA! A 10 for damage, and with 18/91 STR, I do 5, plus 2, plus 2 damage for 19 points to all orcs! THEY ALL DIE!"

"Lucky rolls." Sephiroth muttered.

"I cast a cure light wounds on Tifa," announced Aeris, "Healing her 6 points."

"And I cast my Fireball spell on the group of 7 orcs over there! Let's see, a 6, a 1, a 5, another 5 and a 3. That's 20 damage to all orcs, they all die even with a saving throw!"

"Dammit," swore Sephiroth, "Well, that leaves 6."

"So!? I get to go now! I stab An orc with my 2 short swords doing 4 and 5 damage good thing I hid and got back stab! So it's 27 damage!" cried Yuffie

"And I assassinate one. I got an 86%," said Vincent.

"Ah crap, the other 4 orcs ran away," Sephiroth said with displeasement.

"Aww....., Sephiroth's gonna cry?" asked Tifa, but he remained silent.

"Well I guess we have to rest. Aeris, heal us and we'll rest," Cloud ordered.

"AND WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ME!?" she asked with anger.

"You rest later."

"Not fair."

"Ok, you rest and the next morning, Aeris is tired. It is before dawn and the tomb is near. What do you do?" asked Sephiroth.

"Let me sleep," Aeris proposes.

"No, onward to the tomb," Cloud said.

"Oh Cloud, you always had the best ideas," Tifa kissed-up and placed her hand on Cloud's knee, but Aeris kicked her, "OWWW!"

"Ok, you arrive at the tomb, you go in and you're in an empty room," Sephiroth stated.

"Ok, we're going on now. But it's 11:00 p.m. now." Vincent said pointing to the clock.

"So, we're probably almost done," responded Tifa.

"Can't I ever win?" asked Sephiroth, holding his head in his hand, "Ok, you go into a room and there is a chest there.

"That's my department! Ok, I'm checking for traps," announced Yuffie. Sephiroth rolled, and was a success, but...

"You don't see anything," Sephiroth lied.

"Ok, I open the lock."

"Ok, saving throw verse poison please," asked Sephiroth.

"Dammit! Fine," Yuffie rolled the dice, but it fell down.

"I got it," said Sephiroth, and quickly made it a fail.

"WHAT! I'M DEAD!?"

"No, unconscious," Sephiroth explained, and Yuffie mumbled something.

"Ok, so I think I can use cure poison now right?" asked Aeris.

"No, you're too tired," explained Sephiroth, "Cloud, what are you doing?"

"Hmmmm..... Vincent, now you try."

"K, open, good. HEY! It's a flask of something!" Vincent said with astonishment.

"Well give it to Yuffie, it might cure her," Tifa proposed. Yuffie drank the drink and something was happening.

"You just gave Yuffie a flask of poison. She is now dead. Hehehe," laughed Sephiroth.

"DAMMIT! I was sure I wasn't going to die on this adventure," Yuffie cried and pouted.

"There's also a sword in there," added Sephiroth.

"Ok, who gets it?" asked Tifa.

"Me, I can use them the best!" declared Cloud.

"Well I want it!" protested Vincent.

"But why?"

"Because I'm greedy!"

"Tifa! Cast detect magic on this thing!" ordered Cloud.

"Sure thing mister pissy pants. Bum-bum!" said Tifa with a nasty voice.

"Ok, it's glowing so brightly that it hurts the eyes."

"Ok, it's mine, or do you wanna fight for it?" asked Cloud.

"Bring it on!" responed Vincent.

"Oh great," said Tifa leaning on the Table, "We're all dead." In the end, Cloud won the sword and killed Vincent.

"Cloud you Bastard! Go to hell!" Vincent yelled.

Some time passed and Tifa, Cloud and Aeris remained.

"So, you're at the end of the labyrinth," announced Sephiroth.

"What? No more levels other than 51! IT tool us all WEEK to get here!" Tifa said enraged.

"C-c-coffee, n-n-need coffee," said Cloud, who fainted shortly after.

"Great Sephiroth, you killed Cloud," Aeris said, "Here, have my coffee." Tifa got angry and pinched Aeris on the leg.

"OWW! Why you son of a..."

"Ok, a mummy is infront of you."

"WHAT! FIRST 20 ORCS, THEN 15 GNOLLS! NOW A MUMMY! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?" Cloud said with a sugar and caffeine high.

"Sorry, not so easy now eh?" Sephiroth chuckled.

"Come on, we're leaving. Cloud, let's go to a bar," Tifa told Cloud.

"Yeah, see ya Sephiroth, and be happy to take care of Yuffie in a car!" Cloud shouted and he locked his arms around Aeris and Tifa and left. Sephiroth drew with his finger on the table in circles.

"Can't I ever win? HEY! CLOUD! WANNA FIGHT ME ON ERGHIZ?" screamed Sephiroth.

"Sure, but if you lose, I get your sword!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, If I win, I get to take Tifa and Aeris on a date.

"Fine."

"WHAT! ARE YOU ON CRAK OR SOMETHING?" yelled Tifa.

"Trust me! I won't lose."

Several Minutes later.

"Hmm.... A draw," said Sephiroth.

"Ok, I'll keep you sword, and you get to go on 2 dates with Tifa and Aeris," said Cloud.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! SEE IF WE EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN!" screamed Tifa and Aeris.

"Let's go Girls!" said Sephiroth with his cool look.

"Oh, stick your sword up your ass!" screamed Aeris. She punched him out and one of his teeth as well.

"Nice acting, now let's go trash his sword!" yelled Cloud and they ran off with the Masamune.

"Lost, lost all is lost," cried Sephiroth, "At least I have you D&D!" Then the breeze took away all of his maps and stuff.

"DAMMT!"

And so this one game session was a complete and total utter disaster. I guess this is what you get for combining Final Fantasy with D&D! What, Sephiroth? What are you doing here? No! NOOO! Not the sword! BACK DEMON! I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU SOUND LIKE A MORON! Even though you can be! AHHH! NO! DON'T KILL ME!


	2. At the Bar

**Final Fantasy VII: A Night of Games and Glory**

A/N: After the horrific sword incident, I have finally recovered enough to add another section to this little parody I'm making. I'm doing this on the breeze so I'll surprise myself as well! (Owww! My arm still hurts from you Sephiroth)

In a black mustang, Cloud chauffeured the two ladies to a nearby bar. Very gallantly he opened the door to his girls, and opened it with a bow. The first to exit was Aeris, whom was looking quite fabulous. She took a few paces, and then her high heels got the best of her. She fell and landed in a mud puddle. It flew everywhere and Cloud needed to hide behind the car door. She was so mad that the eggs would melt before you could cook them on her head. Tifa came out and gave Cloud a nice little kiss on the cheek. Angering Aeris, she copied Tifa's signature "Waterkick" Limit, taking her down to Aeris' level. Now Cloud looked at two girls covered in mud; which wasn't really all the disgusting for him. Actually, it turned him on a bit.

_Great! They're at it again. If this keeps up I'll be leaving this place in a body bag._ Cloud thought.

They entered the bar, lit dimly so the lights wouldn't hurt your head once you got really drunk. It looked a lot like Tifa's sense of decoration. After all, she was head CEO of all the 7th Heaven bars all over the world!

"Hey!" called a familiar voice. It was Cait Sith, working at his new job as bar tender, "Wondered if you were ever gonna visit!"

"Hey Sith. You still don't have any affiliations with Shin-Ra do you?" Tifa asked clenching her fist.

"Gya! No no no no! I'm clean now! What do you want?" Cait Sith hopped on his Mog over the counter.

"Anything hard," Cloud said.

"Me too!" Aeris agreed, trying to get a little closer to him.

"But you always get really hammered when you drink ONE shot of vodka! How the hell are you gonna have a super large glass of our special "Makes you wish you were never born 70% alcohol spirits?" asked Tifa who just ordered something a little more sensible.

"Oh I'll manage. And if anything does go wrong I'll have Cloud!" Aeris snuggled up to Cloud, rubbing her head on his chest.

_Piece of shit!_ Tifa got so angry that she shattered a stainless steel cup full of red wine. It spilled all over the floor. Good thing it didn't cost her anything or all she had to say was "You're FIRED!"

No matter. The soft jazz music played in the background. Cloud just remembered something.

"Yo, what about this sword we stole from Seph? What should we do with it?" Cloud asked, waving around the Masamune in the air, shattering a chandelier.

"Stick it in his back! See of he likes it!" demanded Aeris. She still never got any payback for what he did to her.

"Yeah about that, how did you come back to life?" Tifa asked. She could never comprehend how someone who had all their vertebrates shattered is up and about and not in a wheelchair.

"Well you see. All I had to do was have Cloud dive into the water and get him to..." but before Aeris could finish, Cloud covered her mouth and interrupted her.

"Do CPR! Remember like on the Pricilla girl at Junon?" _Phew that was a close one!_

"Really? Why didn't you use a Phoenix down?" asked Tifa sipping her new glass of wine.

"Ummm... don't you remember "About Random Battles" on Newgrounds? They don't always work!" Aeris shouted, taking a big gulp of the house special.

Cloud looked around for something to do, then he spotted a roulette table. He loved roulette, but had no money. Fortunately a great idea came into his head, "We can pawn that sword!"

(Back at Cloud's house)

Sephiroth was still sitting with his head down on the table, when all of a sudden a large pain came into his heart, "AHHH!!!! Swords senses, tingling! Cloud..... You bastard!" He glared into nothingness.

(At the bar)

"Oh yeah! A quarter million gil! I'm going to go and blow it all on roulette!" Cloud ran up to the roulette table and started to gamble.

Aeris had trouble getting out of her seat. She was all hammered and such that Tifa needed to help her out of her chair. Aeris was wobbling and staggering. She looked at Tifa's face and put her hand on her face, "Hehehehe! Funny monkey!" she said as her hand slipped down Tifa's face.

"Funny monkey! Why you little Bitch!" She slapped Aeris on the face. The funny thing was that instead of getting all angry, she was laughing her ass off. She then got up (with the support of a stool) and slapped her back.

"DAMMIT! This means war!" And so the two kept slapping each other for the rest of the night.

(At the roulette table)

"Ok, 20,000 gil on black 31." Cloud moved his chips to the middle so that it was official. The man in charge of the game spun the roulette wheel and put the ball in.

"Yes! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Wohoo! Awww!" said Cloud every time it went past black 31 and to some other number. It started to slow down and.... Cloud lost.

"SHIT! Ok, again same amount on black 31!"

(On the highway)

"This was the day that I am going to Kill Cloud!" Sephiroth was driving down the freeway in a black convertible. He was going at least 210 Km/H. He went pass Midgar, Kalm, the chocobo ranch. Then someone called out.

"Hey! The bar was about 5 hours that way!"

"Ah _Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp_!" said Sephiroth as his car ran out of gas and slammed his head onto the steering wheel.

(At the bar)

"Ok, I'll win back all of this now! Black 31!"

"Sir, I suggest you either stop or change your number," said the man at the counter.

"Ah! Shut the hell up!"

"But sir, you're in your undergarments!"

"Underwear!" screamed Tifa and Aeris as they ran for Cloud and fought over who could tear off his underwear. Good thing that empty barrel was near because they got it off of him lickety-split!

"Yes! I finally have them!" Tifa exclaimed.

"Not anymore wench! HAHA!" Aeris grabbed them from Tifa who held them up high. She ran for the door but Tifa grabbed her heel. Aeris fell to the ground and a small white bead fell out of her hair. It turned pale green and the Aeris theme came out of nowhere. The two looked around.

"Where the hell is the soothing music coming from?" Tifa asked.

"Dunno! But my WHITE MATERIA!"

At that moment an armored sleeve picked up the rolling sphere.

"HAHA! Now Wutai can become powerful again! Urk! That car ride wasn't so fun though!" It was Yuffie who winked and left the bar.

"Come back here you two-time pillow eating monkey smelling pencil pusher!" yelled Aeris who was still drunk and was not a good mover on her part. She stumbled and fell into the spiked fence at the door. Blood ran down the pole.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I finally..." said Tifa with pride, but then a big muscular hand took the underwear out of her hand and back onto his lower abdomen.

"Can give them back to me! Come on Tifa we're going home. Sorry about the mess Cait Sith." Cloud said leaving a tip for him.

"No prob!"

As they left Sephiroth pulled up, "HAHA! I will kill you for what you did to... AERIS!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" said Sephiroth changing his mission to destroying Cloud and saving Aeris. Cloud and Tifa walked away giving him some room to breathe.

Vincint was the last to come, "What I miss?"

A/N: Ahhh... I just can't write a good sequel to this thing. Oh well. I thought it was still funny. Sorry for not having it long enough! R&R!


End file.
